I am 31 years old and a mother of 3 and have been married for 10 years. I am a full time college student (at honors level, I might add) with a husband that works around 60-70 hours each week and my kids are in elementary and middle school. Our family has gone through some stressful times this year, none of which I will bore and shock you with right now, but I needed a release for my frustrations and anger and stress. I've been athletic (define that term however you'd like) most of my life. I swam before I could walk, and in middle and high school I was swimming, diving, doing synchronized swimming (which is MUCH harder than most believe it to be), had a short stint learning karate, played softball intermittently, played football recreationally with friends, and I roller skated so much that when I found out that I was pregnant with my first child, I immediately signed a release for to continue through my pregnancy. (which I did at least 5 times each week up until the week before I gave birth to my son) I've always loved sports and activity, but as most do, I got comfortable and eventually lazy when it came to fitness.
Until I was 19 and pregnant, I was always very thin and muscular, but during my first pregnancy I gained 65 lbs, despite hating junk food and not being able to eat meat without gagging. I got back into swimming and roller skating as soon as I could, but it took a while getting back into the regular activity, as having a new born tends to be the focus of your entire life. Fast forward to about 2 years later and I was losing weight alright, but found out I was pregnant again. This time, if it fit into my mouth, I was trying to eat it, though I weighed the same as the first pregnancy on the day of giving birth. I was hungry and nauseous at ALL TIMES. With 2 children, both in diapers fitness took a seat under the rear end somewhere around that bottle jack no one ever uses, never mind a back seat.
|2006, the baby was already 3|
I wasn't as concerned with my appearance or what others saw on the outside, so fitness was still a bit on the back burner.
Then we found out that the house we moved into was in foreclosure and we had to move again. This time it was fast and furious, no real hunting and organizing time. I found a house and signed the papers and knew cleaning and painting would be involved, I just didn't realize that I would be doing almost as much work on it as I was on the remodeling job site I was working on. But, it was necessary, so I did it. I quit the job I had and focused on the home we were moving to.
Prior to the job, I signed up for a Dr's weight loss program. I was at a size 22 in pants and had had ENOUGH with growing out of everything. I told the Dr that I didn't want to know my weight because I tend to obsess over the #, but that didn't work out. On May 5th, 2011, I had a bomb dropped on my head and my mind almost exploded. I was told that I weighed over 200 lbs. I was heart broken and disgusted. I had never thought I could be that heavy without being pregnant. HOLY CRAPATOLLA! How did I get here without anyone telling me I looked like a garbage truck? Too late, time to get a move on. So between the working at the job site and working on the house we were moving into, by the middle of June, I was down to a size 14. Now I had started losing before the Dr appt, but had no idea how much I had lost, since I concentrate more on my clothes fitting and how I feel, but now that I knew I had to keep track. (that's the # obsession I was talking about). So I started measuring myself. I was NOT happy with any of this.
|November 3, 2011|
I have NO illusions here. (hence the name of the blog) I do not expect to ever be skinny, as I haven't been since hitting puberty. I don't even WANT to be skinny, I want to be healthy and bad ass and hard core. I want muscle and strength and speed and stamina. I want to compete with the men and boys, not stand off to the side and be girly. I want people to be a little scared of me rather than want to hit on me, though that's a good feeling once in a while if it's not creepy. I want to lift heavier weights and try the newer hardcore workouts. I don't want to be a body builder, but want to be strong and feel good that I can fight as well as the next guy. I'm competitive, with others and myself, so I can do all of these things, as long as I stay on my own butt about it.
Now, here I am at that in between a size 9 and 10 pants and wearing a medium shirt (most times, unless I get said shirt in the Jr's section at Target). Weighing in at an unknown weight, because I'm not obsessing over it, though I'll probably check it next week some time, with MUCH smaller measurements and a MUCH better outlook, though no less competitive.
I have developed a motto/mantra/slogan, whatever.
"If I'm anything I'm DETERMINED. To prove myself to myself. I refuse to accept a finish line. My life is a series of ever evolving goals."
This is what I hope to remember every day and institute as an attitude of life. School, family, business, fitness. It's all there, in those few sentences. They apply to it all.