Wordless Wednesday: Feeling loved on Monday.

Accountability: Next item on the endangered list?

Being a full time college student and mother has it's ups and downs, but one thing that seems to be constant in both is accountability and lack thereof. I read a post on a non-fitness blog today that made me a little upset on someone else's behalf. Essentially it all came about on and because of face book (possibly read as "the root of all evil") and people not thinking before they speak and act in an internet forum. It all falls back on accountability. I know what you're (I'm, since I have exactly 0 readers as of yet) thinking. "Well, Sinner, that's all well and good, but this is a fit blog, right? What does that have to do with this?" Well, let me just tell you...
I have a friend who is an obsessive fitness freak and a gym owner that I love dearly. He's recently gotten into fitness hardcore, despite having a personal trainer certification since 2007. He's working toward his own goal in body building and tends to get quite angry when he hears, reads, or experiences excuses as to why people didn't, don't or can't work out. Sometimes this makes me wish he lived closer so I could strangle him and explain that his OCD isn't universal, but other times I see his point.
The above blog entry overview is no different, as it all falls back on accountability. We are all accountable for our action, inaction, words (spoken or written), and how they are perceived and received. Unfortunately we have no control over the latter, but we can soften the blow a bit by owning up to them all. We can't rationally rely on someone else to be the ones that hold us accountable for what we do or don't do. We have to do it ourselves and be honest about it.
So, I ask you... Do you hold yourself accountable or do you expect someone or something else to do it? Do you expect the scale you step on religiously to check your progress to tell you when you've slacked off or back slid? What about the tape measure? Neither of them can tell you that you've over/under indulged or that you've fallen behind on your goals or exercise, YOU have to do it! Some of us are lucky (unlucky?) enough to have friends and family that will assist in this area and nicely tell us that we're overworking ourselves or overdoing it on the desserts or that it's been a few days since they heard about us working out or since they saw us at the gym. Others of us have friends and family that aren't as concerned, whether it's because they don't realize how serious you are about your goals or because they don't want to hurt your feelings. When you have a situation like the second one, you are the one who has to give yourself the talk. Sometimes out loud like a psychiatric patient, but that's alright. As long as you say what you need to feel and don't come up with invalid excuses and it gets you back on track.
Today is the best (and every) day to reaffirm your goal and modify your routine and get back on track to wear you want to be heading.
Where do you want to be heading and where are you now? Do you need accountability assistance or someone to talk smack to get you moving? I know I have days that I do. And that's alright, let someone know that you do, you never know how big your cheering section is until you look for it.

Sunday....

Photo from blog.leisurefitness.com

Well, it's Sunday. I know a lot of people that decide to rest on this day and take it easy and I think I may be doing the same. Yesterday was a day full of school work for me, so I didn't get out and do my run or any other fitness work.
I'm feeling a bit worn down lately and I'm hoping that it gets a bit cooler tonight so I can run and feel invigorated. I've read a few articles where it has been reported that those with asthma shouldn't run when it gets too cool out because it can trigger their asthma, but I find it to be the opposite for me. I tend to breathe better when I run in the cooler weather. I do know that you have to do a little more warm up before going out so your muscles don't cramp up and you don't hurt yourself, but my warm up is usually a brisk walk before I begin to run or some air squats prior to leaving.
I know there isn't anyone on the other side of this computer reading just yet, but eventually I'm sure there will be. So, if you do read this, feel free to let me know how you change your work outs and warm up routines according to the weather...

Photo from MassageEnvy.com

Have a great Sunday, cause Monday has no mercy. lol

I have NO idea what I'm doing. The first novel entry.

Well, here is my first attempt at fitness blogging. I want to be totally up front and admit that I have NO idea what in hell I'm doing. I also feel that it's necessary for me to divulge the fact that I have ulterior motives for starting this little pretend corner of the interwebs. What, you may ask, are said ulterior motives? Well, lemme just tell ya that one is that I'm a wannabe. I want to be like those awesome ladies out there that blog on a constant basis about how bad ass their fitness routines are and how much amazing progress they're making. Another is somewhat selfishly greedy. I want to be a FitFluential Ambassador. Now, if you've read that last line and ended up with a face that looks like this 0.o, take a look at this site and read through what it means to be FitFluential and what being an Ambassador is all about. And my final ulterior motive is a bit narcissistic. Let me explain....
I am 31 years old and a mother of 3 and have been married for 10 years. I am a full time college student (at honors level, I might add) with a husband that works around 60-70 hours each week and my kids are in elementary and middle school. Our family has gone through some stressful times this year, none of which I will bore and shock you with right now, but I needed a release for my frustrations and anger and stress. I've been athletic (define that term however you'd like) most of my life. I swam before I could walk, and in middle and high school I was swimming, diving, doing synchronized swimming (which is MUCH harder than most believe it to be), had a short stint learning karate, played softball intermittently, played football recreationally with friends, and I roller skated so much that when I found out that I was pregnant with my first child, I immediately signed a release for to continue through my pregnancy. (which I did at least 5 times each week up until the week before I gave birth to my son) I've always loved sports and activity, but as most do, I got comfortable and eventually lazy when it came to fitness. 



Until I was 19 and pregnant, I was always very thin and muscular, but during my first pregnancy I gained 65 lbs, despite hating junk food and not being able to eat meat without gagging. I got back into swimming and roller skating as soon as I could, but it took a while getting back into the regular activity, as having a new born tends to be the focus of your entire life. Fast forward to about 2 years later and I was losing weight alright, but found out I was pregnant again. This time, if it fit into my mouth, I was trying to eat it, though I weighed the same as the first pregnancy on the day of giving birth. I was hungry and nauseous at ALL TIMES. With 2 children, both in diapers fitness took a seat under the rear end somewhere around that bottle jack no one ever uses, never mind a back seat. 

2006, the baby was already 3

I had little conscious though of my size, though I was very self-conscious about it, if that makes any sense. Now, fast forward again to 2009. I was looking for a decent job and was not able to find one willing to pay me more than minimum wage. Having worked FULL TIME mostly all of my post-pubescent life and never having been paid minimum wage or even close, I wasn't willing to degrade myself further in an already depressed mind set. (Please know that the economy wasn't anywhere near as horrible as it is now and I am NOT knocking minimum wage jobs, because everyone has to start somewhere and sometimes start over. I respect all of those out there working hard, no matter your pay, gender, race, status, etc.) So, I decided to go to school. Now, this was a nerve wracking decision at 29 after graduating with my "Good Enough Diploma" at 16 years old. But, I did. This began a tidal wave of emotions and life altering views of who I was and wanted to be and how others saw me.
I wasn't as concerned with my appearance or what others saw on the outside, so fitness was still a bit on the back burner.

Summer, 2010

Fast forward AGAIN to December 2010, now I had to do something. At my heaviest (on the day I gave birth either time) I was about 222 lbs. I know that this is not something many see as attractive, but my belly and boobs were HUGE! I had an almost 10 lb. child the first time. My family and I were in the market to move. In a neighborhood where a woman was shot and killed 6 blocks from us, we had to get out, FAST. School, kids and their school, house hunting, packing, research, papers. It was a lot, and I needed to do something for me to get it all out of my head, so I joined the gym. I began losing weight and workout as often as I could. It wasn't a dramatic weight loss or obsessive workout routine, but I enjoyed it. So, come February, we move, then we get bad news about my father and I was mentally barely hanging on. I had to do something active to keep my mind occupied and not break down, so I did. I chose to take the summer semester off of school to help my family and be with my kids, but I also found a job. WORK! WOOT! Hard manual labor. This sounds odd, but I much rather have a physically demanding job that kept me moving than any other job. I was assisting in a house remodel. I got to do demolition. I knocked up tile, moved heavy stuff, knocked out walls and windows, I was sweating POOLS every day all day and smelled like a rotting corpse by the time I left and I LOVED IT! Plus, I was getting paid. 

Then we found out that the house we moved into was in foreclosure and we had to move again. This time it was fast and furious, no real hunting and organizing time. I found a house and signed the papers and knew cleaning and painting would be involved, I just didn't realize that I would be doing almost as much work on it as I was on the remodeling job site I was working on. But, it was necessary, so I did it. I quit the job I had and focused on the home we were moving to. 
Prior to the job, I signed up for a Dr's weight loss program. I was at a size 22 in pants and had had ENOUGH with growing out of everything. I told the Dr that I didn't want to know my weight because I tend to obsess over the #, but that didn't work out. On May 5th, 2011, I had a bomb dropped on my head and my mind almost exploded. I was told that I weighed over 200 lbs. I was heart broken and disgusted. I had never thought I could be that heavy without being pregnant. HOLY CRAPATOLLA! How did I get here without anyone telling me I looked like a garbage truck? Too late, time to get a move on. So between the working at the job site and working on the house we were moving into, by the middle of June, I was down to a size 14. Now I had started losing before the Dr appt, but had no idea how much I had lost, since I concentrate more on my clothes fitting and how I feel, but now that I knew I had to keep track. (that's the # obsession I was talking about). So I started measuring myself. I was NOT happy with any of this.

Summer 2011

Fast forward again to about 2 months ago. I knew I had lost weight and people were commenting on how much I had lost and how nice i was looking. I had also started walking and running and was down to about a 13 minute mile. I have never been a runner. I have bad knees and am not a cardio lover, in fact I think most of those that are may be a bit crazy, but whatever. My kids and I were doing our 5th breast cancer 5K in the end of October and I wanted to run it, so I trained and ran. Now, there is a difference between people telling you that you've lost a ton of weight and actually seeing and feeling it for yourself. I had lost almost 10 full pants sizes, so I knew I had and I was working out, so I felt it too. But it really hits you hard when you walk past a mirror and you don't recognize yourself which forces you to stop and recognize every little detail. I had lost the double chin, could see my cheek bones and that hollow in the center of my collar bone... Am I supposed to have that? Did I have that before I had kids? Was it always that deep? HOLY CRAP, is that an Adam's Apple? What in holy bejeebus? I was a totally different person. Well, when looking at myself, anyway. Still that same sassy attitude, people think I'm abrasive and obnoxious personality, but man! 

November 3, 2011

And here I am now, turning into one of those people that are constantly on the search for something new and challenging to try out and make me sore and LOOK! I even have some muscle definition! I can do push ups (the girly kind, cause my shoulders pop too much on the manly ones) and maybe even a pull up or 2. I can run 4 miles at a steady 10 min/mi pace. I can do squats without wanting to die and lift weights and shop in the normal section. BUT.....
I have NO illusions here. (hence the name of the blog) I do not expect to ever be skinny, as I haven't been since hitting puberty. I don't even WANT to be skinny, I want to be healthy and bad ass and hard core. I want muscle and strength and speed and stamina. I want to compete with the men and boys, not stand off to the side and be girly. I want people to be a little scared of me rather than want to hit on me, though that's a good feeling once in a while if it's not creepy. I want to lift heavier weights and try the newer hardcore workouts. I don't want to be a body builder, but want to be strong and feel good that I can fight as well as the next guy. I'm competitive, with others and myself, so I can do all of these things, as long as I stay on my own butt about it. 
Now, here I am at that in between a size 9 and 10 pants and wearing a medium shirt (most times, unless I get said shirt in the Jr's section at Target). Weighing in at an unknown weight, because I'm not obsessing over it, though I'll probably check it next week some time, with MUCH smaller measurements and a MUCH better outlook, though no less competitive. 
I have developed a motto/mantra/slogan, whatever. 
"If I'm anything I'm DETERMINED. To prove myself to myself. I refuse to accept a finish line. My life is a series of ever evolving goals."
This is what I hope to remember every day and institute as an attitude of life. School, family, business, fitness. It's all there, in those few sentences. They apply to it all.