You are definitely gonna LOVE MY NUTS!!!! (Plagiarism, COMPLETE!)

Hello again, reader(s)! I’ve come to tell the tale of some delicious nuts and grace you with the chance to win your very own can of them for the low and amazingly awesome price of FREE!

Let me assure you, I have plenty of wit and sarcasm to share, but for the purpose of this post, I will tone it down a LITTLE bit only for the Virgina's Best people, I will also, (as stated in the previous post) be plagiarizing myself to double post on the Cranky Fitness. Let’s just move along, shall we?

Now, I’ve reeled you in with my 4th grade "You're Going to Love My Nuts" joke. What’s it all about? Well, I hope everyone here has heard of the former Slap Chop guy turned Sham Wow guy turned alleged criminal via some very bad choices. (Thanks to Crabby for finding this link: if not, you can check out his SlapChop infomercial, or to blast a few extra calories, dance along to theremix version)). He uses the slap chop to beat the tar out of some peanuts and use them for the infomercial. I’m not touting the amazingness that is the slap chop or the creepiness that is that dude. I am, however going to grace you with the glory that is MV’s Best Virginia Cocktail Fine Virginia Peanuts.

I had the pleasure of sampling the Cajun flavor, as I’m not big on sweet stuff. (Yeah, I know I’m a freak.) These aren’t your typical peanuts. They’re quite large and don’t have that peanutty oomph to them that we’re all used to. While they do still have the peanut taste, it’s not as strong as you would expect. And you may see that the label shows what some may think are really spicy ingredients, but I assure you that they are not “make your eyes water” spicy. The spice is quite mild and enjoyable.

These nuts are pretty big.

I have fairly large, borderline man hands.

Had I been able to stop shoving them in my face long enough, I would have chopped some up (with my knock off version of a Slap Chop) to put on a salad, but alas, I was hungry and they were MMMMmmmmmmmm Gooooooood.

There are a variety of flavors to choose from. They currently offer Sea Salt, Toffee, Jalapeno, Milk Chocolate, the above mentioned Cajun and Unsalted flavors on the Virginia Cocktail Peanuts website.

I am looking forward to trying the toffee flavor next, despite my give or take attitude toward sweet foods. And at $5 per tin, they’re reasonably affordable for that next get together on your calendar. (Or your gluttonous venture into the world of sweet and savory nuts.)

Now, if you’re allergic to nuts, avoid. DUH! But, if you like a variety of flavor, texture, and trying new stuff, I HIGHLY recommend these cocktail peanuts.

(This is me, post 4 mile run, about to stuff my face and make inappropriate yummy noises while I beat my children back with sticks and tell them to go eat fruit roll ups. After all, this is for research purposes): 

Now, on to the BEST PART!!! For a limited time, you’re able to comment here, or on the Cranky Fitness post to enter to win your very own tin of delicious nuts. Below, in the comment section in either or both places, just leave a note, sentence, a 4th grade joke with or without innuendo, a line of prose, or whatever letting me know what flavor you’d be interested in trying from MV’s Best and we’ll draw a winner via the ever popular and GREAT AND POWERFUL RANDOM NUMBER GENERATOR. (say this out loud with the “"Wizard of Oz" Wizard voice” or it’s not as entertaining).

Once the winner has been drawn, we’ll announce it here and/or on Crabby's site on Tuesday May 1 as well as possibly send an email to you (if your address is ascertainable), and you’ll have until Friday May 4th at around noon (give or take 3 hours depending on which coast you live on) to respond to one or both of us with your US mailing address.

Disclaimer: Should the Great and Powerful RNG decide to be a pain, one of us will just pull out a commenter from the list and notify them.

Have great day, Cranky readers and go have an adventure!

Loving me some nuts! I'm a guest blogger, now! Go look!

Greetings from a land far far away I like to refer to as "Slackerville." It's been a while, yes. I have a laundry list of reasons and excuses, most of which involve some rendition of school, exams, kids, working out (Best one on the list, honestly) and just a lack of writing motivation. While I've got a phone application on my Android FULL of posting ideas, today I grace you with self-plagiarism.

I recently had the chance to guest post for one of my favorite blogs and under threat of internet death for reasons any Cranky Fitness reader would know, you should go look.

Now THOSE, up ^there, are some tasty nuts!

I regail (is that how you spell it? My spell check is being a buttwad) you with 4th grade prepubescent boy humor and giveaway some free shit. It's borderline healthy free shit, but it's friggin tasty as all hell. They're peanuts, but not the typical buy in the grocery store at $.99 for 3 bags kind of peanuts. They're huge and juicy-ish and mine were SPICY NUTS! I'm telling you, they're awesome. And if you live in the U.S. or have a US mailing address, you can win some for yourself. I'm going to put up a copy of what I wrote for Crabby McSlacker and her blog, minus the edits for it to be on her specific blog, so no worries if you're a link-leery net paranoid beginner. If you're not one of those leery people, you can just click THIS: You're gonna LOVE my nuts!

So, stay tuned, and while you're at it, get off your ass and MOVE! Have an adventure, play hop scotch, knock on a neighbors door and make them the victim of an unsuspecting game of freeze tag circa 1986. I don't care what you do, but DO SOMETHING!

Have a great day, all! And as always, Go have a damned adventure for crying out loud!  

Awkward barely covers it...

So, as I explained a couple of days ago, a friend and I decided to take our first exotic fitness class. To say that I felt awkward doesn't even begin to describe it. The instructor for the class, Sarah was very sweet and welcoming and did her best to ease my anxiety, though it didn't work very well. Not for lack of trying, she was very supportive, but I'm very uncomfortable in class settings to begin with, let alone that the studio is meant for exotic dance classes which I'm even more uncomfortable around. I really wanted to ask where the bar was, because a few shots would have made this whole experience a bit less awkward for me.
Impulse Pole Dance and Exotic Fitness Studio is in Northeast St. Petersburg and the studio itself is very nice. The floor is super clean and there is a small area right inside where Brandi sells the wares (and wear) for House Of Cherry where you can purchase a myriad of super sexy and super cute clothing, bags, lingerie and possibly deadly shoes.
My friend and I sat down and filled out the release form and giggled like idiots when it came to the injury release, seeming as how she gets hurt quite often and I'm not the most graceful when it comes to doing the fake sexy thing.
The class itself was pretty cool with only 2 other ladies joining us along with the instructor. We were taking a class called "Booty Basics" or Booty Bounce. When reading the description I was kind of expecting it to be a little similar to club dancing with a few naughtier moves thrown in. I was not, however expecting to be told that I needed to jiggle the parts that I try REALLY hard not to let jiggle. This was the first fight to hide the hysterical laughter that wanted to explode from me like an 11 year old boy. (There were plenty of other times in the hour long class, lemme tell ya)
I asked Sarah via Twitter what the recommended attire was for the class and was told to wear comfy workout clothing. This was PERFECT for me, since almost everything I own and wear daily is such a style. Unfortunately (for this class, anyway) said comfy workout clothing is mostly made of at least some form of compression from my waist down. (Hey, I know I have jiggly bits and I try to minimize or avoid altogether any said jiggling, ESPECIALLY while working out.) NOTE: Compression style workout wear is not meant to allow your "booty" to "Bounce" (or play it's role of Santa in the "bowl full of jelly" scenario, as was instructed in this class) since it's purpose is to control said bouncing to allow for more running or working out comfortably.
We started off pretty slow, which for me was ok, Amy wore regular non-compression style capri workout pants, so she was a bit more able to attempt the bouncing, but we attended the class with 2 other ladies that were wearing the short booty shorts that tie on the sides. BTW, these are SUPER cute and if I could, I would buy some for sleeping or lying in the sun. ANYWAY....
Sarah's music selection was awesome. It was of course booty music, but the first few songs were old school music that Amy and I used to roller skate to in middle school. BUT then came the first eye popping instruction. Over the blaring music Sarah tells us "MAKE IT BOUNCE, GIRLS!". Oy Vey! So, I waited for a beat or 2 and stared in amazement observed the example and started to giggle again. This is NOT something I do on purpose, it happens anytime I feel nervous or stressed. (funerals, weddings, birth, you know, the least inappropriate times. Though this time was appropriate) There's a song that says "make that @$$ vibrate" and that's what Sarah did. At this point, I was about to fall over. #1, I was giggling, #2, I do everything I can to avoid vibration (we'll leave the grown up stories to another post) and #3, my left hip flexor has been so tight for the last week, I could barely step properly. Though she has us bent over a la Betty Paige, I still couldn't take it. There's no way my pants would allow me to even try it without looking like an electrocuted squirrel. (This is where Charlotte would draw a squirrel being electrocuted, but it would be cute) But I did and it didn't work out, plus it felt like someone lit my hip on fire with an acetylene torch.
Then we eventually progressed to the "on all 4's" stage. Oy! This was 2x the embarrassment, but much easier. We had to make circles with our hips (Think yoga cat and cow) while arching our backs. Then we added in pushups with it. Kinda felt like this, but not as cute:

We then proceeded to "shake it" again which was another giggle fit for me along with pain in the hip flexor. (I may need to find something to stretch that out better) Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not super prude, but when Sarah turned to give us an example of how it should look, the only think I could do was squeak and look away. I wasn't really expecting to meet someone for the first time and get acquainted with their no-no bits within an hour. lol
This behavioral reaction continued throughout the class and left me with a somewhat drunk/lethargic feeling. It was awkward and liberating and fun as hell all at once. I know that doesn't seem like a combination most would put together, but I've never claimed to be accepted as part of "most".
Over all, this class and the people at Impulse were all AMAZING. I didn't feel like it was a very hard workout, except for the pain of the flexor and the severe explosion of fiery pain in my quads, but I felt it the next day when I sat still for more than a few minutes. HOT DAMN!
Out of 5 stars, I give Sarah and her booty shaking ability an "OH MY GOD, people can do that?" and the class gets a 5, the studio gets a hardcore 5 and the offering of gear and shoes at the front door most DEFINITELY get a 5.
I know it seems like I'm cutting this review/post short and I am. I started it 4 days ago and now that I'm back to it, I have no idea what to say. lol But, if you're in the area, you should definitely go see Sarak and the rest of the crew there for a new fitness experience. It's an amazing place with wonderful welcoming staff and awesome music. (If I do say so my non-girly self)

Hydrating your largest organ: More important than you'd think.

"Your epidermis is showing." I used to hate when other kids would say that to me. Now I say it to my kids and they laugh at me. Not that being laughed at is anything new for me.

We all know that our skin is our largest organ and we know it needs to be properly cared for or it gets angry. I read all of these magazine articles and other reviews by people that are suggesting these outrageously priced beauty products and think "Jeez, your lotion is the same price as I pay for a nice dinner out with my family." Who has that kind of money in this economy without embarrassing themselves in front of the nation? I sure as hell don't. So, I figured that maybe there are a few of you out there (even though only 1 person really reads any of my nonsensical ramblings opinionated and honest postings) that may be in the same boat and wanting some information from a normal every day down to earth, broke a s joke stay at home mom and full time college student. Well, if you're in that category, or just like laughing at me like my kids do, then feel free to read on. If you aren't, you may wanna skip over to another, much more talented fit blog and read away at the enlightening studies and struggles of others much more glamorous than I.
You may like Charlotte of The Great Fitness Experiment who tries every new fitness redonkulousness to hit the news wire, has heart warming tales of her trials as a mother, raw and heart wrenching honesty of her struggles with years of skewed body image and eating disorders and her amazingly hysterical and comfortingly similar sense of humor. Oh, and she wrote a book about it all. Or maybe you're a bit ornery today and you're in an "eff that noise" kind of mood. If that's the case, might I suggest some you time reading the amazing Crabby McSlacker who also has a Life Coaching business, but doesn't allow that much positive in the way of her execution of cranky views of all of the back and forth double speak of the studies that come out about health and fitness and foods that may or may not kill you with some alien amoeba from Someplanetwedontknowyetland. Or, if you're looking for a inspiration from a Jewish Misfit that is super crazy fitness driven, but oh so amazing in her Yoda looking Nike shoes, hop on over to meet Carla who is Unapologetically Herself and raising her awesome tornado to be the same and stay fit and mindful while they do it.  And lastly, if you're in need of some inspiration from a woman who finds the HOTTEST steamy delicious half naked man pictures you will EVER find on a not adult site, go see Kelly and read her Mantastic Mondays posts. I love all of these ladies and it's not all about the women at all times. There are some good tips and reads in there for all of the men, too. And you never know, you may find a cool giveaway or an interesting bit of info you didn't know before. (And remember that Fitfluential Ambassador thing I told you about? Yeah, I think they're all on that list and Kelly is the leader of that cult fitness pack). I hope to one day finally be one of the cool kids and get into that group of people. ;)

And now for the info I mentioned on affordable crap to stop the winter dry crackling or angry redness of the skin some people may have wanted to read about.
First, again, I'm going to say that every one of these obnoxious and droning opinions are my own, all of the items have been purchased by me, none were provided for me by the companies and I'm not getting paid (or threatened) to say any of this, it's just an honest opinion of some stuff I've found that works for me. The only exception that applies is when I receive something from a survey company and I'm allowed to spread the word. I will be sure to explain those when I come to those instances.
Also, if you have allergies or sensitive skin, please make sure that the products you buy are safe for you and I do not recommend applying or using any of these products on irritated or abraded (scratched or scraped) skin. Also know that NONE of these products are intended for use other than what is printed on their labels and are for external use only, so while the body scrub is made of sugar and smells absolutely amazing, you SHOULD NOT EAT IT, cause ya know, it's not food.

First up, I would like to start with the least expensive, but know that NONE of the products I buy are more that $8. Anything more is a waste to me, unless there's a coupon or it's on clearance.
This is the Skintimate Shave Lotion in the Revitalizing line with some exfoliating pearl stuff in it. I admit to buying the wrong one, but the link takes you to my preferred type. This is a LOTION, not a gel that foams, so it's not thick, but I really like that it's super moisturizing. Walmart, Target and Publix all sell some variation of it and it's a little more expensive than the shave gel they make, but I like this better. It runs around $2.50, but there are always coupons for about $1 in the Sunday papers. I give this overall a 4 star rating. would be 5, but they don't have a strawberry scent and I'm addicted to strawberry. They have a variety of infused vitamins and such and different scents, but I like the least scent possible, since my scrub smells so good. (which I'll get to a little further down the road.)

Next we have the Dove Deodorant Ultimate Go Fresh in the Burst Scent. I love this because it's a refreshing citrus scent without being too powerful. It does the heavier b.o. blocking for days you need it, but will need to be reapplied after you workout, before you stop at the store on your way home from a hard core crossfit class. It's not the clinical strength and if you smell like me (a cross between a construction worker and a garbage man) post workout, you'll wanna pack this in your gym bag or invest in the more expensive heavy duty one. This will run you about $2.75 for the larger as pictured, but it lasts a long time and you can usually find the gift packs that have 2 of these and a body wash or lotion in them. 4 stars since I do have to reapply quite a lot from my man stink.

Nivea Bodywash is super moisturizing and comes in a variety of scents and levels of moisture, but they don't make my favorite apricot (that actually smells like a fresh sliced nectarine) scent anymore. You can find it on Amazon.com, but if you wanna just grab it while you're at the store, the Orang Blossom is a very close 2nd. I have a condition called Keratosis where my skin doesn't create enough keratin on it's own and I end up with red spots and bumps on my arms if I don't exfoliate and moisturize enough. It's not painful, just itchy and looks a bit funny at times. This bodywash starts the moisture process and earns 4.5 stars from me. (the apricot totally earned the full 5) It will run you about $3-$4 depending on where you buy it and if you have coupons. (I FREAKING LOVE COUPONS!)

Johnson's Aloe and E Baby Lotion usually runs about $4, but it's THE BEST lotion I've found for my skin. I hate the greasy and sticky lotions and need something with little to no scent. I also need it to be safe for sensitive skin as well as super nourishing for my disorder. Johnson's does it. This is a solid 5 stars and you can usually find it pretty cheap and there are quite a few coupons out there for baby stuff. You can also sign up for the mom programs through Johnson's and Publix and get coupons sent to you in the mail. LOVE!!!

This Body Scrub is FREAKING AMAZING! And at just under $5 at Walmart, you can't go wrong. It smells delicious and the scent that remains on your skin is minimal, but still there. It exfoliates wonderfully and lasts quite a while as long as you don't get too much water in the container. I use it on my face and my whole body and my skin is SO SOFT when I'm done. Definitely a full on 5 stars. And if you don't like the brazil nut smell, they have a coconut lime that's very citrus like and isn't too heavy on the coconut. This is the one that smells Nom-worthy, but do not eat it. it's not supposed to be consumed regardless of the sugar content.

Now, that's 5 products that will cost you less than $20 if you are a bargain shopper. They are totally worth it and you don't have to worry about breaking the bank on beauty stuff that the magazines are spouting their praises about.
So, do you have any products that you're totally in love with that cost less than $10? If so, please tell me about it, I'm always up for trying new stuff.