Miracle cure to losing weight. I've found what you've wanted/needed all along. (And the winner of my Nuts!)

Hello, all! I use the term "all" VERY VERY loosely here to be sure and encompass all 2 of you readers and any possible visitors.

Have I got a Jim Dandy of a treat for you! I've found the ULTIMATE weight loss/diet fix. It's guaranteed to work for almost every living human and it's FREE! I'm not going to try to market or sell anything to you. I'm here to give you an HONEST look into my world of getting healthier, smaller (in the way of fat%), better, and bigger (in the way of awesome, muscles, and writing).

I'm telling you, you're gonna want to read on and trust me here. Even if you don't trust me, just place your skepticism and judgement on a coaster to the side long enough to read through to the end of the post.

And now, the disclaimer! 

If you've read any of my writing thus far here, on Facebook, or on Twitter, then goody goody gum drops, you don't need the warning. HOWEVER! If this is your first stop by my interwebspacepartment, you need this warning: I am really, really, seriously, down to the depths of my very small soul pissed off irritated about this subject and this post is mostly a rant and lots of warning! It's also a quick line about who won the nuts I was giving away, but that's gonna be the smallest part of this entry/post/profanity laden writing you are about to delve into. (If you're just here to see who the winner is, go all the way to the bottom, it's there. Thanks for stopping by.)

And now, we get to the nitty gritty of the miracle I have for you today! When I say miracle, I mean miracle. It's not like anything else you're reading in the headlines or seeing on those "hurry up and lose weight for your wedding you have in 2 months, even though your ass has known about and been planning for it for almost/over a year" kind of shows. No. This is pure, unadulterated amazing awesomeness in real life kind of truth. 

This little photo is the part where you're to imagine angels singing as light shines upon your soul for the wonder I am about to bestow upon you.

The latest chatter, fad, dumb ass diet plan/move/lazy approach to weight loss I've heard has got to be the worst and one of the most dangerous ideas EVER in the history of FOREVEREVER. Have any of you seen or heard about this most recent idiocy? It's the "feeding tube diet" and it's STUPID AND DANGEROUS AS SHIT! Over here at this site Dr.'s Katie Rickel and David Katz explain what it is and what it claims to do. Dr. Katz even goes so far as to fill you in on how the nasogastric (feeding) tube is shoved up your nose and then down into your digestive system and also explain the MEDICAL PURPOSE behind a nasogastric feeding tube system. 

This is a diagram of the path the tube takes. Attractive as hell, huh?

Now, from Dr. Rickel's response on the site, here in Florida (Land of the Nucking FUTSOS!) this 10 day program will cost you around $1,500. Yes, it says ONE THOUSAND, FIVE HUNDRED DOLLARS! 

Now, let me just tell you that a Certified Personal Trainer around here costs an average of $60/hr to train you and there are a TON in my area offering rates around $35/hr that are willing to come to your house or work, meet at a public park, or you can go to their studio. Even at $60/hr, you can get a trainer to put you through the ringer of the hardest, but reasonably safe, workout of your life for 5 hours each day for 5 days straight and it's probably gonna do more for you than this reDONKULOUS bullshit of a "diet" some have dumped their money into. Or, at the $35/hr rate, you get almost 50 full hours of personal, 1 on 1, "kick your ass till you cry and can't move, jack your metabolism through the roof like never before" kind of training. Some of those even offer to put together a diet plan for you, complete with substitutions and recipes. That's a LOT more than that feeding tube and the vomit looking "food" crap getting poured into it is gonna do for you. Plus as soon as you get back up to a regular human calorie intake (the feeding tube allowance averages 600-800 calories daily of ONLY the supplement), I hope you realize that all of that weight you lost (all 15ish pounds of it) is gonna come racing back ten fold like a fighter pilot in a Mach 7 simulation. 

You know where all that's gonna get you? Angry, depressed and ass deep in a 55 gallon drum of Ben N Jerry's Ice Cream. Then you're out $1,500, up 45 pounds and still not gonna fit into that dress you probably paid way too much for anyway. (And to top it off, people like me are gonna laugh their asses off at you because you simply didn't want to work for where you wanted to be and you're paying for it)

So you're probably thinking to yourself, "Ya know, this is a lot of bitching and no miracles have been revealed. I'm gonna scoot on over to another site and look for some diet tips. Screw you, Sinner." And in return I say to you that you're welcome to do so, but you're gonna miss the best part....

And now, for that promised miracle cure...........................................

YOU'VE GOT TO GET OFF YOUR ASS AND MOVE. YOU HAVE TO WANT SOMETHING SO BAD YOU CAN TASTE IT AND YOU'VE GOTTA BUST YOUR DAMNED ASS TO GET IT!

I have a theory about almost anything I want or need in life. It's an outlook I hope my kids see and institute in their lives. Anything you get for free (Unless it's won from an awesome blog you entered a drawing for, or a similar scenario) that is going to make an impact on your life long term is probably going to fall to SHIT. 

I speak from experience. Not everything is a "you get what you pay for" kind of thing, sometimes you get more and other times you get lucky. I know that. I also believe in karma. What you put out there comes back at/to you in one form or another. But when it comes to losing weight, getting healthy, being happy, or what have you, you have to work at it. I took a Sociology class with a very interesting professor a little while back and I vividly remember him pounding the same thought into us. Every. Effin. DAY! That thought: "Happiness is a skill." It takes work. Some people are optimists. That's a personality trait. Those poor bastards are miserable at times just like you and I, unless they work at being happy. Replace the word happy with content, financially stable, free, healthy, skinny, strong, educated. It's ALL GOING TO TAKE WORK. 

You wanna know what work is when it comes to losing weight or getting stronger and healthier? It's being sore, tired, getting hurt, and smelling HORRIFYINGLY HORRIBLE. It's having set backs and accepting them for just that, it's facing the FACT that at some point you're going to feel like it's not worth it. Work is taking 3 steps forward one day, 2 steps backward the next and then taking a wrecking ball to the wall after that and running another 10 steps ahead while flicking it all off as you pass by. Work is doing things you don't want to do because you're determined to be the person you want to be or know you are. It's saying you're going to_(fill in this blank with whatever you'd like)__ because you've never been able to before. It's proving people wrong when they tell you that there's something you can't/won't/never would do, be, or accomplish. It's looking those people in the eye when you're done and saying "What now, BITCH!" It's fucking WORK!

Now after all of that, some of you may be offended by some of my honesty and foul language. You know, that's too bad. I refuse to apologize for who I am or the way I am. You can move right along to some girly ass "we're all in this together, now let's group hug" kind of site, because that's not what this is. No one will do this for you. You have to do it for yourself because you WANT it. (See permanent proof of refusal to apologize for being me, below.)

This message & logo by MizFtOnline.com, approved 4 my wearing.
Epidermal art is by Leina at Sacred Rites Tattoo in North Port, FL

This is a place for truth, honesty, IN YOUR FACE get real or get the hell out kind of fitness REALITY. Hence, the title of the blog. 

I've busted my ass for over a year to lose 100+ lbs. That 3 digit number breaks down like this: a total loss of 83", 12 pants sizes, 5 dress sizes (hey, I can look like a girl without being one) and my 3 extra chins. I don't miss any of it. Just so you know, your delicate sensibilities had nothing to do with any of that. It was all me (and Michelle, the trainer I hired (and now love) instead of even considering a fucking feeding tube). It was all work. GO BIG OR GO HOME, balls-to-the-wall-because that's the only way I can do it, pep talks and drill sergeant yelling (sometimes in public with people staring) hard-ass-sometimes-wanted-to-die kind of work. I'm just gonna keep rolling like this and you can keep doing what you do.

THIS is work! Lots and lots of work.                     THIS too is work. Hard, sweaty, sore for 2 days, work!

So when all is said and done, there is no miracle. I know, I lied. Get over it.
It's all pretty simple. You start with moving. LOTS of moving, then work your way up to worrying about the food thing. Too many people do this backwards and think that diets will solve the problem. THEY WON'T! Get up, off your ass, move, sweat, smell horrible, and be sore. Sore is good (as long as it's not excruciating), it lets you know there is growth around the corner. Muscle growth and personal growth and an opening of the heart and mind to accept that no matter how much you change outside, you've gotta be good with the inside. 

I challenge you to look at yourself in the mirror. Not just a getting ready for school/work/appointments quick look. I'm talking a full on creepy non-blinking hard to retain eye contact STARE! Look long and hard at YOU and find something you didn't notice the last time. Don't judge what it is, just recognize that it's there and move on. Next, you're going to find something you LOVE about yourself. Yes, while continuing with the creepy staring. It doesn't have to be physical or major. You need to look yourself in the eye and OUT LOUD like the crazy you know you are and tell yourself this thing that you think is so awesome about you (physical, emotional, whatever) and tell yourself what it is and why it's uniquely yours and what it is that you can do to expand that bit of awesome you know you have. This is gonna take a while, so don't do it when you're in a hurry. The hardest part is not laughing at yourself during the staring part or during the talking to yourself part. This is because we all take too much time and energy out of our days reminding ourselves what what we want to fix or make better or change because of whatever reason. Remember that no matter who you are, you're the fucking best at it that there will ever be!

Alright, I know you're sick of my bipolar rambling, ranting, encouragement and you wanna know who won my nuts, right? Well, over in this little cyberspace it has been announced and stamped into history that STARVING BITCH gets my nuts in their mouth. (to see the comment, go here. To meet Starving Bitch, head over here to meet her and read a bit of her info, posts, and goals.)

Congratulations, lady and I hope my toffee nuts are tasty. hahahahaha

Go out and have an adventure, everyone. After this long winded crap, you deserve it as an award for making it through!

Training, fitness and weight loss assistant? Personal review of a FitBit

Well, I don't have anything to give away, just a LOT of opinions about a LOT of things. But, for time, space and brain power saving I'll try my damnedest to remain focused on just the fitness items here, more specifically the Fit Bit fitness assistant/pedometer/superstalker tracker/all around awesome fitness assistance tool.
I would like to begin by saying that this is not an item I received for free (not THAT lucky and certainly not AT ALL popular) and I am in no way being paid by anyone to share my awesome opinions on this or any other item I post an opinion/review about, unless otherwise stated in the post regarding said item/company/service provider.
Next, it all started when I found an awesome fitness blog called Cranky Fitness. This is an entertaining and informative blog that I instantly fell in love with. Crabby is hilarious and down to Earth and I find kinship in those willing to complain and rant about the newest and most ridiculous information to be found about fitness, health and anything else.

In the box! (sorry that the photo is dark)

A week or 2 after my awesome stumble upon this gem of a site, there was a giveaway posted for a Fit Bit activity and fitness tracker. I was curious, so I decided to read away. (Here's the giveaway post that has expired and it's been won, but she's got good info there.) Now, I put that all to the side on a list of stuff to look into buying during my newly found love of getting in shape (yes, I know that round is a shape, just not one I was sporting well, as you've seen) and kept perusing other sites, blogs and equipment.
Flash forward to September and I see another mention of it somewhere, though for the life of me I can't remember where now. Anyway, I took a gander at Amazon.com and read up on the info and reviews and got REALLY interested. So, I ordered one on September 15th, paid for expedited shipping and got super excited. UPS arrived at my door less than 24 hours later as I was online reading about this amazing itty bitty thing and found out that I could have been instantly gratified if I would have taken a breath and read that you can get them at Best Buy. (insert smacking noise and a face palm here) ANYWAY, I rushed to the door and barely contained my desire to tackle and hug the UPS delivery driver to death excitement and thanked the driver as graciously as my palpitations would allow.
After screeching at a decibel only canines and aliens are able to hear, I opened the slightly crushed box to reveal angels singing and blinding heavenly lights my little fitbit. At first I was a little disappointed as the box was the size of a shoe box, but inside was another box about 4" on all sides and about 3" deep. It was clear and I could see this tiny fitbit thing staring up at me. (well, not really staring, since it doesn't have eyes.
I resisted the urge to use a claw or ball peen hammer to open it and carefully searched for and removed the tape holding it closed and inventoried all it contained.
I was a little disappointed in not finding much, but I would soon replace that with love and adoration.

This is the back of the box that contained
the wonder that is my FitBit.

These were the items inside the box. Yes, That is IT. 

Now, don't mistake the simplicity for cheap. It was a bit pricey at $99 plus the $14 overnight shipping, but once you find out all of it's wonder and glory, you may see that it is well worth it.

 This is a photo of everything other than the actual FitBit pedometer. You get a soft spandex type velcro closure wrist doo dad, the USB charging/data port (but it is wireless data transfer ready, too), and a belt clip holster thingamabob. The holster thing is used to clip the fitbit to your thicker belts or bras or whatever you're clipping it to. Otherwise, it's easy to set on a sports bra, workout pants with a thinner waistband, workout shirt, etc. I've never even used my belt clip and couldn't even tell you where it is at the moment.

Closer photo of the contents sans pedometer with the wrist bandy sleevy thinger velcro'd closed. This is definitely adjustable and machine washable, supposedly. I would recommend placing it in a lingerie bag if you're putting it in the machine, otherwise just wash it in your shower and allow it to air dry. Please also note that I believe it does stretch a bit over time, but can't be sure how much. Sorry, but I'm in the process of shrinking, so no % or ratio is available. (and math is my mortal enemy, so it wouldn't happen anyway)

This is how thin this thing is. It's made of a hard plastic material and I use mine almost every day. (I've forgotten it about 6 or 7 days total since I received it)

This is the front of it. The little button is the thingy you push to see how many steps you've taken, how far you've gone with said steps, how many calories you've burned and a cute little progress flower that grows and shrinks throughout your day based on your activity. These are shown in the accent color of the fitbit on mine. (aqua) I'm not sure if they show up purple on the purple version of the Ultra.

Now, you should know that mine is the basic version, beta, numero uno, first generation from what I can tell. Now they off the FitBit Ultra that also tracks your stairs, which is pretty cool for some. It came out about 13 days after I got mine. Such is the story of my life.
When you register on the fitbit.com site (Which is FREE, thankfully) you get to build up your profile and discover the world of fitbit in a new way. This little doo dad doesn't just track your activity and progress, it also tracks your sleep and how efficient it is each night. (as long as you remember to set it and wear it in the handy dandy wrist bandy) You have the option of setting weight and activity goals, logging your food and water and also to log various activities and their time frames.
The site also gives you bar graphs to show your progress over a period of time. Days, weeks, and months are able to be compared and you can enter your mood and any notes as well. You also have the ability to add friends that are fitbit users and see what your ranking is among them all.
I LOVE my fitbit and found out shortly after using it that you can link your fitbit account to another free fitness site called Earnd It that rewards you with points for certain levels of activity that you can redeem for gift cards and prizes to a number of places online. They also do various challenges that are free and some that have an entry fee that give you the opportunity to challenge yourself and others. These all have various rewards from gift cards of your choice to fruit snacks to discount codes just for participating.

Overall, this is a splurge, but one well worth the $ and you can even choose your color. They have that nifty aqua you see in my photos and then you also can choose a mauve color which is kind of a mix between pink and purple. Considering all of the benefits for almost anyone (that can keep track of it and remember to use it right) this is well worth the $100 investment. It's not GPS or heart rate monitor enabled, but the site has so many pluses to out rank those. If you're diabetic, there are places to log your glucose levels. Watching your BP? Cool, there's a log for you to track that, too. Plus it can also give you an overall summary of your all time steps, distance and activity score and with the Ultra you get overall stairs you've climbed too. It's pretty effin nifty and set up is so easy my father could do it. (Love him more than anything, but he's not the best at dealing with technology) It takes all of maybe 4 minutes for the fitbit to get set up with time zone and to open a free account. Your data dock is your charger and has to be connected via USB port on your computer to charge it for a while before the first use, but after that it charges pretty quick and holds up to 10 days of data and a charge. (I've only pushed it to 6 and had no problems at all) PLUS as long as your data pluggy importer stuff is hooked up to your computer and it's powered up and online, when you stand still within 15 feet of it for more than a few seconds, your data is auto synced to your account online, so no time wasting for it to upload info and loose out on those extra 20 steps. (I'm quite competitive with myself and when others are in the competition I can not be held responsible for my verbal assaults.)

So, you're (all 0 of you) probably wondering what my actual ratings are... Well, fine, here you go:
Ease of use: 5/5
Durability: 5/5 (so far, less than 3 months in)
Benefits: 4/5 (ability to sync with a heart rate monitor or a gps would bring this to a 5 definitely)
Website: 5/5 (For mathematical value, personally, I'd go with a 7 or so)
Motivational factor: For me, 4/5 (see competitive statement)

Overall awesomeness score: 4.6/5 (again, HR monitor or GPS compatibility)

Worth your hard earned $100? More so than that expensive dinner out with too many sugary drinks, for sure. NOT worth skimping on good for you snacks or gas for that trip to the park with your kids from having to pull from gas money to get it. (nothing really is)

So, lemme know if you have one, want one, had one or think this review totally sucks the big cojones. If you have a similar fit assistant, tell me about it and gimme your opinion. I love trying new stuff, even if it's a bit complicated. (within reason, not full on body suits to measure hair growth or some such alien nonsense.)

And last, what is your plan for staying fit or getting more fit over the next week? Screw the holidays, you still have 4 more weeks, next week is only 1 or 2 days away, depending on your location.

Accountability: Next item on the endangered list?

Being a full time college student and mother has it's ups and downs, but one thing that seems to be constant in both is accountability and lack thereof. I read a post on a non-fitness blog today that made me a little upset on someone else's behalf. Essentially it all came about on and because of face book (possibly read as "the root of all evil") and people not thinking before they speak and act in an internet forum. It all falls back on accountability. I know what you're (I'm, since I have exactly 0 readers as of yet) thinking. "Well, Sinner, that's all well and good, but this is a fit blog, right? What does that have to do with this?" Well, let me just tell you...
I have a friend who is an obsessive fitness freak and a gym owner that I love dearly. He's recently gotten into fitness hardcore, despite having a personal trainer certification since 2007. He's working toward his own goal in body building and tends to get quite angry when he hears, reads, or experiences excuses as to why people didn't, don't or can't work out. Sometimes this makes me wish he lived closer so I could strangle him and explain that his OCD isn't universal, but other times I see his point.
The above blog entry overview is no different, as it all falls back on accountability. We are all accountable for our action, inaction, words (spoken or written), and how they are perceived and received. Unfortunately we have no control over the latter, but we can soften the blow a bit by owning up to them all. We can't rationally rely on someone else to be the ones that hold us accountable for what we do or don't do. We have to do it ourselves and be honest about it.
So, I ask you... Do you hold yourself accountable or do you expect someone or something else to do it? Do you expect the scale you step on religiously to check your progress to tell you when you've slacked off or back slid? What about the tape measure? Neither of them can tell you that you've over/under indulged or that you've fallen behind on your goals or exercise, YOU have to do it! Some of us are lucky (unlucky?) enough to have friends and family that will assist in this area and nicely tell us that we're overworking ourselves or overdoing it on the desserts or that it's been a few days since they heard about us working out or since they saw us at the gym. Others of us have friends and family that aren't as concerned, whether it's because they don't realize how serious you are about your goals or because they don't want to hurt your feelings. When you have a situation like the second one, you are the one who has to give yourself the talk. Sometimes out loud like a psychiatric patient, but that's alright. As long as you say what you need to feel and don't come up with invalid excuses and it gets you back on track.
Today is the best (and every) day to reaffirm your goal and modify your routine and get back on track to wear you want to be heading.
Where do you want to be heading and where are you now? Do you need accountability assistance or someone to talk smack to get you moving? I know I have days that I do. And that's alright, let someone know that you do, you never know how big your cheering section is until you look for it.